My daughter, who was conceived with the help of donor eggs, just celebrated her first birthday. It\u2019s been a year of laughter, exhaustion, tears, and lots and lots of poop.<\/p>\n
My husband and I spent six years in the throes of infertility. We endured failed intrauterine insemination (IUI) <\/a>cycles, even more failed cycles of in vitro fertilization (IVF)<\/a>, and one donor egg cycle that resulted in a chemical pregnancy before our final cycle was successful.<\/p>\n I struggled throughout my pregnancy. Was I excited to be finally welcoming our baby into the world that we waited years for? Absolutely. But the path we took to get here was one I never thought we would take.<\/p>\n Somewhere out there is a woman who donated her eggs so that I could be blessed with experiencing pregnancy and the birth of my child. Here are five things I wish I could tell her.<\/p>\n I didn\u2019t choose your profile based on the fact that you looked like me. The donor coordinators told me to choose someone based on my similar characteristics, but there were several factors I took into account instead.<\/p>\n First, you were wildly successful with other couples and this was my last shot at a pregnancy of my own. Second, you were beautiful; your physical appearance was appealing to me. I was secretly hoping my baby would get your gorgeous blue eyes.<\/p>\n I got caught up in the excitement of pregnancy and forgot I had kept your photo for the longest time. When I finally did come across it, I have to admit, it made me emotional. I spent a long time being so mad that I had to use an egg donor because I wanted my baby to share my genetics.<\/p>\n Your picture was a reminder that she didn\u2019t. But still, I held on to your photo. When I look at it now, which is rare, I don\u2019t see a woman who replaced my eggs. I see someone who gave me an incredible gift \u2014the opportunity to grow a human being inside me, something that would have been near impossible if it weren\u2019t for you.<\/p>\n My emotions play with my head now, even a year out from giving birth. I have days when I wish I could have a relationship with you if only to keep informed of changing medical history to have the most accurate information for my daughter. But then I have days where I struggle and I am glad for the anonymity.<\/p>\n I have never wavered in my feelings about being my daughter\u2019s mother. I have never once thought that she wasn\u2019t completely and wholly mine. But I admit there have been times of jealousy that she shares some of your genes. I think other egg recipients can relate to these feelings and I know I\u2019m not alone, but I still feel guilty for these thoughts.<\/p>\n I\u2019m not very good at picking out the qualities of a mother and father in a baby. When my daughter was born, I didn\u2019t even think she looked like her dad, even though everyone else claimed she did.<\/p>\n Throughout this past year, I have even received comments that she looks like me. I\u2019m not quite convinced, but I know that I don\u2019t see your likeness in her at all. Perhaps my body was efficient at influencing certain parts<\/a> of your genetic makeup.<\/p>\n But when I do look at her, I see you, in the sense that if not for you, she wouldn\u2019t be here. I am reminded of how hard I worked, and the lengths my husband and I went to create her.<\/p>\n You see, it\u2019s because of you that I was up every two hours around the clock for the first eight weeks of my baby\u2019s life. You were the reason I was exhausted, but so incredibly blessed. It\u2019s because of you that I could become a mom. It\u2019s because of you that my parents were able to experience the joy of their first grandchild. You made aunts of my two sisters, who dote on their long-awaited niece.<\/p>\n1. You and I Don\u2019t Look Anything Alike<\/h2>\n
2. For a Long Time After I Became Pregnant, Your Photo Was Hard to Look at.<\/h2>\n
3. I\u2019ve Been Bouncing Between Wanting to Meet You and Hoping My Daughter Never Finds You<\/h2>\n
4. When I Look at my Daughter, I Don\u2019t Recognize you in her, but I am Reminded Every day of you.<\/h2>\n
5. Not a Day Goes by That I Don\u2019t Silently Thank You for What You\u2019ve Done for Us.<\/h2>\n