{"id":75254,"date":"2019-05-29T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2019-05-29T00:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.fertilitysmarts.com\/2019\/05\/29\/reframing-male-infertility"},"modified":"2020-02-19T19:57:59","modified_gmt":"2023-11-04T17:48:30","slug":"reframing-male-infertility","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.fertilitysmarts.com\/reframing-male-infertility\/2\/2171","title":{"rendered":"Reframing Male Infertility"},"content":{"rendered":"
Recognizing that you are dealing with male factor infertility<\/a> brings up a host of challenging feelings and ideas for a couple trying to have a baby. Masculinity itself gets called into question, but shame, stigma, and a bunch of other unhelpful responses can be lessened if we can reframe this issue.<\/p>\n There is a huge emasculation factor that can arise in response to discovering that your body is getting in the way of you and your partner’s dream of having a baby. Women, of course, feel this as well, but there is a different stigma for men due to how we’ve come to be socialized to understand our role and expected abilities.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Why does infertility so viscerally strike at our sense of manhood and masculinity?<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Male Factor Infertility & Shame<\/strong><\/p>\n Shame is one of the first ugly feelings that pop up when a guy is told about his infertility. But why shame? Why does infertility so viscerally strike at our sense of manhood and masculinity?<\/p>\n There are certain expectations that we grow up with and that, as men, we are not expected to question. You can laugh at most ‘phallic’ jokes, but they are such a common trope because (at the risk of sounding crude) too much of our identity as men are socialized to be one big phallic joke: be big, be strong, follow-through, get to the bottom of things, keep others happy, show no weakness, let others know who’s boss.<\/p>\n In fact, impotence means both the inability of a man to sustain an erection as well as sterility. Two different issues with the same, highly stigmatized word (with the underlying feeling of ‘powerlessness’—is there anything less shame-inducing than that for the Westernized Male?)<\/p>\n Read: <\/strong>How Men Can Talk About Their Needs During Infertility<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n There is an expectation that this part of ourselves should just “work.” From early on, we are taught that our health is not to be taken for granted.<\/p>\n We’re told as kids to limit our sugar intake and stay away from fatty foods. We’re constantly hearing about smoking, and drinking, and drug use. We’re given information and there is an ongoing focus on maintaining good health.<\/p>\n We learn that we need to take care of ourselves so that our bodies will remain functioning as optimally as possible.<\/p>\n We are told very little, as boys and young men, about preventative reproductive health (with the occasional warning against wearing underwear that’s too tight or eating too much soy.)<\/p>\n Our potency is not something we tend to think about until it’s not working. And when the unexpected breaks down—when what we’ve just taken for granted stops working—panic sets in.<\/p>\n When that has to do with sex—more panic.<\/p>\n This can chip away at our already tenuous grounding in the insecurities of being a man. And that’s a long way to fall down.<\/p>\n Read: <\/strong>What Men Should Know About Emotions & Infertility<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n The language of infertility doesn't help much either. It’s amazing how much of the language around infertility in men has been euphemistically coopted toward shame.<\/p>\n Think of the sit-coms that have used phrases such as “shooting blanks” and “slow swimmers,” but even the medical terms don’t sit well, such as “low motility” and “low sperm count.” (Actually, any time the word “low” is introduced to something that we’ve come to think of as Manly is a shame-inducing blow to our egos.)<\/p>\nInfertility &The Emasculation Factor<\/h2>\n
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Ideas of Health Tend to Not Include Reproductive Health<\/h2>\n
Destigmatize the Language<\/h2>\n